What is the closest IÆve felt to a being that I really canÆt prove exists?
What can I feel toward nothing?
What do I feel toward Everything?
Can I feel love or hate toward such a vagueness?
Can I blame or praise?
No - simple apathy.
God is a fictional being unless (it) is brought alive by me through faith.
So maybe that makes ME the God.
Maybe the question is what do I feel toward myself?
Maybe the way I feel toward myself is how I feel about God.
I guess I have never felt close to ôGodö in the Christian view. I am not sure I even like him to be honest with you. He is ôGodö right? Why did he create us? The Christian answer is: we were designed in his image to love him and for him to love. Okay...He is God and he has an ego so big he creates a whole race of people just to worship him - how nice. Then he has to go out of his way to temp Eve and Adam. Why did he have to do that. Why didnÆt he give them the will to resist? When they failed why didnÆt he just love them instead of kicking them out of the garden and banishing them to toil over the land an have painful childbearing? Not a loving God. If he is God why did there have to be blood shed for sin. He was God didnÆt he make up the rules? He had to send his only son (who was really himself?!) - this son lived 33 years on this earth with out sinning one time - I find that impossible to believe. He died and was buried and rose again and is heaven again waiting to come get his own. This sounds a little weird. BUT rest assured it is all recorded in the Bible. A book written by over fifty people in a span of 500 years recorded by the hands of scribes and translated into every known language - all with out error. For this is the word of God. Right? Sounds bitterly familiar ...oh ya...Greek mythology 101.
I feel close to myself - in touch with my heart, experiencing joy, pain , love, hate, hunger, thirst, lust, accomplishment. I am true to what my spirit tells me. When I listen to myself - focusing on what my heart, mind, body and spirit are trying to tell me - I find that is where happiness resides. I have tried to fit MY beliefs into a Christian religion and they just donÆt fit. I am done trying. That is okay - I am happy where I am at - I create my beliefs - they are not handed to me as doctrine. I am the free one though ôtheyö damn me to hell.
